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Raghavendra Rau

Raghavendra Rau

Take Your Test, Take Your Test

Sung to the tune of "Beauty and the Beast's" "Be our guest"

Abbreviation glossary:
           P:       	Professors
           S1, S2, S3:  Distinct students
           S:           Students in unison
           TA:          Teaching assistant

P: Ma chere tuition-payers,it is with deepest sadism and greatest power
   that we welcome you this morning.  And now, we require you to get tense,
   let us pull up a chair, as the faculty proudly presents - your final!

P:  Take your test
    Take your test
    Are you nervous?  Are you stressed?
    Winter's just around the corner now
    We love this time the best
    Physics laws
    English lit.
    Why, you'll never want to quit
    What's the formula for vinyl?
    Don't you love to take a final!
    Classic film
    Modern dance
    All the kings and queens of France
    You'll be writing with such energy and zest
    Go on and take some blue books
    You'll at least need two books
    Take your test
    Fake your test
    Take your test

    World War I
    World War II
    You'll be chugging Mountain Dew
    As you scram back home to cram
    And stay awake the whole night through
    If you're here
    And you're scared
    Then you're prob'ly unprepared
    Don't tell me about your party
    You should study, Mr. Smarty
    Distant stars
    Shakespeare's plays
    Let us run you through our maze

S1:  Did you ever get the feeling we're oppressed?

P:  Don't question our regime
    How could you dare blaspheme?
    Now take your test
    (You've B.S.ed,
    But you'd rather say you've "guessed")
    Take your test
    Take your test
    Take your test

    Life's all smiles and smirking
    For a student who's not working
    It's a gas without a class to load him down
    Ah, those good old days way back in grade school
    Suddenly he wants his cap and gown
    While he's been busy learning
    Curiosity's been burning
    What's it like to have a minute to himself?
    He won't know 'til after graduation
    They came here so lazy
    Now we're driving them all crazy!

S1:  It's a test!
S2:  It's a test
S3:  This can't be!  I still need rest!

P:  You want sleep, you little creep?
    That's very good.  That's quite a jest
    Ancient worlds
    Complex math
    And we won't withhold our wrath
    Yes, we'll give you quite a beating
    If we catch you while you're cheating
    Chinese art
    Civil E.
    Anesthesiology

S3:  Help me please!  I'm having cardiac arrest!
S1:  Somebody check his heart!

P:  Then label every part!
    It's on your test
S:  That's our test?
P:  That's your test
S:  What a pest!

TA:  Here's a test
     There's a test
     I'm so very much depressed
     Have to grade each one of these in just a day
     And I'm hard-pressed!
     Biochem
     Japanese
     Why our "quarters" come in threes
     While the deadline still is looming
     I'll keep grading
     I'll keep fuming

P:  Course by course
    One by one
    'Til you shout, "This isn't fun!"
    Then we'll laugh at every place that you digressed
    We've done our best to pester
    See you next semester!
    Take your test
    Take your test
    Take your test
    Now, take your test